Movie Critics – Useless Life forms

Is there anything more useless than a movie critic? Anyone more arrogant? Anyone more pathetic? Here you have a bunch of people without any recognizable talent. They can’t sing, dance, act, or write, so what do they do? Become critics of those who can sing, dance, act or write. Hmmm…that makes sense doesn’t it? Their envy and jealousy are so intense, that they rip apart every movie they see. They set themselves up so high on a pedestal that only French movies where everyone dies a slow death and more than half the characters chain smoke are rated higher than 2 stars. This is how they punish the rest of the world, declaring crap as art, and thus encouraging people to go to these crappy movies, even if they secretly hate them. Hey, it got 4 stars, it must be an “important movie”! Like such a thing actually exists!.

So, here is my comment to all you movie critics: You are worthless. Your only purpose should be to objectively describe the movie. Who is in it, is it a comedy, drama, and a brief description of the plot. That way, we can figure out if it is the type of flick we want to risk $8 bucks on. (And that is just the popcorn!) I could not care less if you feel the lighting director did a good or poor job. Or that the story line was just a rehash of previous stories. Hey, I’ve eaten a raw steak many times before, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it again! So what if the story line has been repeated five million times! If it is a good story line, who cares!? I don’t care if you liked the movie, because chances are your tastes are different than mine. Or anyone else’s on the planet. Just tell us the basic stuff, and keep your stupid opinions to yourself. After all, we have already established that you are a loser who can’t actually do anything, so why would we care about what you think?

Oh, yeah, don’t forget. There is no “important movie”. It is stinking entertainment! It’s a freaking movie!!! It is where we go to escape real life and important stuff. So, climb down from your high hobby horse and just do your job.

Case in point – The movie “Along Came Polly” opened this weekend, and I thought from the previews that I might go see it. It looked like a good unimportant movie that I could escape into. But every single movie critic in North America wrote that it was crap. It was horrible. Some even wrote long hate reviews that did not even tell you fact one about the movie. Guess what? It knocked “Lord of the Rings” from the #1 spot and eared over $26 Million!

Movie critics are idiots.

I feel much better now, having gotten that off my chest.