I don’t normally use these quickie oil change joints, preferring to use my regular mechanic, Frank. However, Frank moved about five miles away and the quickie place is right here, and they are quick. So, I took my beloved Ford Ranger there, and then went back again with my wife’s vehicle. Sitting in the waiting room was interesting. There were the guys there, reading fishing magazines or last year’s Newsweek. Some of us even dared to take some of the free gourmet coffee. Luckily the coffee cups were stainless steel so the java didn’t immediately burn a hole in the bottom of the mug. Still, ya had to drink swiftly.

Then, there were the ladies. I’m assuming they were single, because what husband would allow his wife to go get the oil changed in their car? None. So, they must have been single. The guys had calm looks on our faces. Despite the gourmet coffee and fishing magazines. That’s because we know cars. When the 18 year old “service advisor” pulled our vehicle up on the computer and showed us the 37 items “the factory” says our car/truck needs serviced right away otherwise our entire vehicle could explode, showering tiny little parts all over the city and possibly causing major league baseball teams to leave town, we know enough to say “bullshit, just change the oil and the filter.” When they show you the air filter, we know enough to tell them to just put it back in the car, no, we don’t want new wiper blades either. Just change the damn oil and screw on a fresh filter!

But the girls…….oooohhhhh they looked like a rabbit that just fell into a dog pound full of naked beagles. They had no clue about the rules, about cars, and they knew they were going to get ripped off. They had this look on their faces like they were in a foreign country and didn’t know the language.

Try this test some day. Walk up to five men and ask them when their vehicle last had an oil change. Not only will they all tell you (except the gay one, who doesn’t count anyway) but they will tell you what type of oil, and how many more miles until the next one. Now, walk up to a hundred single women of any age, ask them the last time they got an oil change and I bet you three wet muskrats that you won’t get one of them who had an oil change, ever. This is why statistics show that those red “oil be gone your engine just seized up” lights on cars always light up on single women’s cars. They don’t get oil changes, because it is a painful experience. I mean, just the guys starring at their butts is bad enough.

So, why doesn’t someone invent a Women’s Only Oil Change Shoppe? Owned by women, managed by women, staffed by women. The waiting room would be five times larger, and there would be carpet instead of a red concrete floor. Soft comfy chairs, lots and lots of this month’s women’s magazines, a playroom for the kids, 17 types of fresh exotic teas and no fat cookies. Large screen TVs, nice music playing through a real music system, instead of a 1978 transistor radio with a clothes hanger for an antenna stuck between two oil cans on the top shelf. Yes, a real nice place.

And when the women bring their cars in for service – no men. And more than that, just oil changes. No disassembling the vehicle and showing you all the parts spread out on the red concrete floor and claiming that everything is bad. Nope. This women’s only Shoppe would just do oil and filter changes. Maybe nails too, and sure, maybe a facial too.

If someone hasn’t invented this, then they should. I betcha they will make a million dollars!

My good citizen idea for the day.

Peace out people
SCG

If you are interested in history at all, or just enjoy a good story, I highly recommend the historical novel by Frank Gregg, The Founding of a Nation. This is “The story of the pilgrim fathers, their voyage on the Mayflower, their early struggles, hardships and dangers, and the beginning of American Democracy, as told in the journals of Frances Beaumont, Cavalier. ”

Plus it is a good love story.

This is historical fiction. The author has a sound knowledge of the history of the events and times and customs associated with this story. He simply inserts a fictional character into the events. Everything that he writes about, when it involves a real historical character, is accurate. Of course, the fictional character is not. By inserting this character into history, he is able to weave a fascinating story of adventure and romance, all the time accurately immersing the reader into the atmosphere and details of life in this period.

This is a two volume set, each volume about 340 pages. So, it isn’t a novel you can read during the half-time of Thanksgiving Day football games. But it really paints a picture of the daily struggles these Pilgrims faced as they made the voyage, landed, and then tried to survive in this giant unexplored world. It is a good read. In fact, one of my top five books.

Meanwhile, if you aren’t into 700 page historical novels, how about a simple test about Thanksgiving? If that is more your speed, go here.

Enjoy the holiday my friends!
SCG

This is just beautiful. The Florida Marlins which upon research appears to be a baseball team, has announced that unless Miami builds them a brand new baseball stadium, they are outta here! The article in the Sun-Sentinel is right here.

Let me get this straight: When any other business wants to build a new office or work place, they pay for it. When Baseball, which further research shows is a silly game involving men in cute uniforms hitting a ball with a stick and running in a circle, decides they want a new work place, the citizens of the community have to pay for it? Whatthefrap???

I have just a few stats to share with any hollow-headed moron who feels this is logical.

Fact 1: Miami has a 17% poverty rate. The national average is 11%. Maybe the millions of dollars it would take to build a stupid stadium could be put to more appropriate use?

Fact 2: What the hell is wrong with Joe Robbie Stadium? (Incorrectly called by the media Pro Player or Dolphins stadium.) Ya got a field, ya got stands. Ya got beer. What the hell is wrong with that?

Fact 3: Attendance. Check the attendance records out right here for the Florida Marlins. The Stadium holds over 50, 000 fans. The average attendance at Florida Marlin games has never busted the 37,000 mark, and most of the time they are damn lucky to get 5,000 “fans” into the stadium. And these muskrat bottom tongue yahoos want the “community” to build them a brand new baseball stadium??? What the hell goober grease are they chewing?

C’mon, a stadium? Ya could rent a high school baseball field and still not fill the stadium with fans!

What is worse than this is the jelly bean for brains sportscasters in Miami. These goobers will be screaming bloody murder about how Miami doesn’t support their team, we have no community spirit, we are lousy sports fans, etc. Ya know what? Why don’t you overpaid buffoons leave town with the Florida Marlins? In fact, the “Fans” of South Florida might just donate a few bucks each for the bus ticket!

We don’t support baseball because it is boooooorrrriiiinnngg!!!! It is about as exciting as watching …….BASEBALL!!!!! This is South Florida, and we have sunshine 365 days of the year, no snow, the ocean, South Beach, deep sea fishing, jet skiiing, the Florida Everglades, tropical nights, and none of us have time to watch grown men dressed up like they are in pajamas scratching their nuts and spitting chewing tobacco out onto a field that the NFL have to play on! (A REAL sport).

South Florida may be a lot of things, but it sure is exciting! Where else will you find a “Two guns or more” lane on the Interstate??

So far, the response from city officials have been mixed:

One commissioner: “We have a baseball team???”

Another politician: “I thought they left three years ago?”

The Mayor: “Son estas tuercas de la gente!!!

Bye Bye Baseball! Good riddance! And can you take your 1400 fans with you?

SCG

You know, the idiots who send out these stupid emails must be dumber than camel hoof snot. One thing always bothered me. Why is it that they always have a huge amount of American dollars that they want to share with us? I mean, US$12,000,000.00 (Twelve Million United State Dollars)???????? Whatthehell???? Why isn’t it $11,212? Or $1500. You know, I could see Americans being dumb enough to fall for that. But 78 ga-billion dollars? Are these guys walking around with a wad of dried mayo inside their head where gray matter is supposed to be?

For awhile, I would answer these yahoos. My normal signature was Ronnie Rocket Reagan, and I usually asked them for twice as much money, and photographs of their camels. Then I started giving them the CIA or some other law enforcement agency’s phone number.

Now I just delete them.

But I still wonder why it is always several za-million dollars……..
Peace out people.
(Except you retarded email spammers – I hope your camel steps on your nuts in the middle of the night – twice.)

SCG
————————————————-

A.K.Ismail
Manager National Bank of Dubai Abu Dhabi
branch Dubai United Arab Emirate (U.A.E.)

I am Mr.Adnan A.K.Ismail Branch Manager National Bank of Dubai Abu Dhabi branch, I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.A British Oil consultant and contractor with the Kruger Gold Company,Mr. Raymond Beck made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$12,000,000.00 (Twelve Million United State Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity,

I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Kruger Gold Company that Mr. Raymond Beck died in a plane crash along with his wife Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Beck died in a plan crash along with his wife in Egypt Air Flight 990, 1999 air crash (for more information about this crash and person you can contact this website

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/502503.stm

Since we got this information about his death and on further investigation,I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigationand discovered that Mr. Raymond Beck did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank.

This sum of US$12,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to Laws of United Arab Emirates, at the expiration of 7 (seven) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the (U.A.E) Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Raymond Beck so that the fruits of this old man’s labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin.

We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.

The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction.If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above.
Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply via my confidential email address:adnan7ae@myway.com
Regards.
Mr.Adnan A.K.Ismail