I wound up at Pembroke Lakes Mall this afternoon, about 3 PM, and have to say that I surprisingly enjoyed my visit. It must be almost a year since my last visit, as I do not frequent malls unless life leaves me no other options.  The mall was not as packed as I would have expected, but it certainly was filled with a variety of sights, sounds and fragrances. Instead of a pleasant walkway down the middle of the mall, Pembroke Lakes Mall fills the walking space with kiosks populated by out of work carnival workers. They stretch their arms out toward the passing flesh of people, many from all kinds of cultures save American, hawking their wares. Perfume samples, skin creams, cell phone plans, vasectomy offers. There are the usual teen mall rats; guys walking with their pants dragging on the ground behind them like bad wedding gowns, and pre-teen girls wearing Tammy Faye Baker makeup and ultra-mini-skirts. (Makes me wonder if parents even exist anymore…….)

The blue hairs were out too, blocking the little space available between the kiosks and the real stores by trying to remember why they were there, and if they had gone to the bathroom already. But what I enjoyed most were the exotic women who were at some of the kiosks. Besides appearing almost flawlessly beautiful, they seemed to possess art within their eyes as they scanned the river of people flowing past their little trinket islands, and easily identified the one person who would stop if approached. Unfortunately, I was never one of them.

The thunder of sounds was fascinating too, as nearly each Kiosk had their own monitor displaying their products, and the jumbo mumbo of several different languages being spoken simultaneously was almost musical.

What I found most interesting, OK, almost most interesting, as I cannot in good faith discount the kiosk babes, was the Code of Conduct sign at every entrance to the mall.

One stroll through the mall proved that they were not serious. At least not about protecting their “family-oriented shopping environment”. Pre-teens dressing like hookers doesn’t fall into the family oriented environment where I come from. Which of course, is 1950′s Miami. And the item about unnecessarily blocking walkways or store fronts, well, I’ve already described the kiosks that did that, so they were not serious about that either.

Excessive Loitering is certainly a confusing point. Loitering is condoned, but not when it becomes excessive. What exactly is excessive? In fact, I wonder what regular loitering in a Mall looks like anyway?

I think it is sort of sad that malls feel compelled to post warning signs at their entrances these days in an attempt to encourage the populace to exercise basic good manners. But then again, I guess this is not 1950′s Miami anymore, is it?

Regardless, I enjoyed my little visit to weirdsville.

Peace out people.

SCG

There is nothing in the world like Squirrel Determination. Got this pic early this morning.

I have a pain in the neck. I was toying with the idea of visiting my primary care physician, but as good as he is, all he does is prescribe pills. And I don’t tolerate muscle relaxers and pain pills well. So I tried the Chiropractor, and they took an X-ray, which I photographed with my cell phone.

Supposedly I have some sort of arthritis of the neck, or cervical osteoarthritis. The item circled in red is a bone spur. Also, according to the Chiropractor, the neck should be curved slightly, not straight as it is. This is excellent news to the Chiropractor, who now, besides the herniated disk in my lower back, has another reason to ask me to stop by and give them $40 every week for “treatment”.  To be honest, there are times the visits actually seem to help, and times they don’t seem to do much. But they are pleasant.

The Chiro asked if I had any car accidents or other injuries to my neck, as it looked like I might have suffered from a whiplash at one time. Twice during the 80′s I had a Honda Civic, the small ones, go up against an Oldsmobile and a Caddy – not very successfully I will add. Then there was the sky dive incident. I was busy waving at the camera when GI Joe pulled the ripcord and I was jerked pretty violently. Landing on my tailbone in the fields of Homestead didn’t help.

As a pre-teen I’ve fallen out of a lot of trees.

You know, this body of mine sure is beginning to show it’s mileage.

I tell you, a pain in the neck is like….well, it is such a pain in the neck!! And does it ever make me nine times more cranky!!!!!

Any home remedies out here?

SCG

OK, folks, here it is August 27th, school is in for Broward and Miami-Dade counties. And, drum roll please……the 95expressNot lanes are freaking parking lots.

Today, about 5:45 PM, I was NOT in the 95ExpressNot lanes, and I was zipping passed all the poor saps paying big bucks to drive in the Lexus lanes.  The sad part is I was doing 10 freaking miles an hour.!!! Yes, 10.!

Before the 95expressNot lanes, I could easily do 30 or 40, along with everyone else. But now, 10 miles per hour. But even at that, I was literally zooming passed everyone on the other side of the cones. The poor people in the express lanes were stopped dead. Occasionally they would  speed up to 3 MPH, but that wasn’t even close to my blazing 10 MPH.

Please notice the red brake lights fully lit.

This again demostrates the sheer stupidity, incompetence and greed that our government possess. Basically, they got cash from Washington to do something, and they decided to do what would personally benefit them. Not the city. Not the county. Not the drivers. Not the taxpayers. Them. Just like any government.

If this keeps up, I am going to have to explore alternative ways to drive home. At 10 MPH, plus all the times I am standing still in traffic, the pollution I am putting out and the gas I am wasting is just not good for the environment or my wallet.

I just hope whatever idiot scumbag who planned this disaster one day has to ride through his nightmare.

Freaking ass weasels.

Peace out people.

SCG