Miscellaneous Minuscule Molestations

I am in a most jovial mood this fine evening, yet there are these miscellaneous little irritants molesting my spirit. Crab grass of the mind so to speak.

What is attacking my spirit? People at work who cannot utilize Microsoft Outlook to schedule meetings. Or I should say, won’t. Let me describe my work place for you. It consists of about 60 buildings spread over 80 acres. And 90% of what our “work” consists of is meetings. So even the faculty have figured out that if we don’t use Microsoft Outlook to schedule and coordinate meetings, we will never meet.

One of the neat features of Outlook is that when you are planning a meeting and enter it on your calendar, you can not only invite others to the meeting, but you can view their calander to see if they are available at the time in question. Without this feature it would be impossible to schedule meetings with more than three people. With one click you can see the calendar and it will show you the availability of everyone you’ve invited to the meeting. Just like that.

It really bugs me when I spend time establishing a meeting that consists of seven to twelve people from different departments across campus, verifing through Outlook that everyone is free, and some dork later on says they can’t come because they aren’t available.

The conversation usually goes like this.

“You scheduled the meeting for 2:00 on the 18th, I am not available then.” The Dork says.

“Your Outlook was clear.” I respond to the dork.

“Yeah, I don’t keep it updated. I write all my appointments in a paper calendar.”

“You are a dork.” I tell them, and then I set fire to their bladder.

But worse than that, what really bugs me is when some dork is trying to set up an important meeting, and they don’t verify everyone’s availability through Outlook first. This usually goes like this:

The idiot assigns a meeting for 2:00 on the 18th.

I decline the meeting, responding that “I am busy 12 to 3 on the 18th. Check Outlook.”

The ass weasel assigns a meeting for 1:30 on the 18th.

I decline, sending the response, “My Outlook is blacked out from 12 to 3 on the 18th. Please check Outlook before sending.

The Ass Clown tries again, this time assigning a meeting for 10 Am on Thursday, a day when I am off campus all day and not available!

I decline the meeting and send a response, “What the hell is wrong with you? Can’t you check my availability in Outlook before assigning a meeting??!!!”

Time passes, and the nitwit tries again, picking 1:30 on the same day!

I decline the meeting and send this, “My Outlook shows me off campus the entire day! Are you even trying to check before sending a meeting? Are you sniffing glue or something? CHECK OUTLOOK FIRST YOU MORON!!!”

Eventually, I have to go find an available electric cart and drive across 80 acres just to set fire to the idiot’s bladder.

What’s wrong with people?

Another thing that bugs me is those people who have a question and they don’t know who has the answer, so they send the question via email to 17 people. No doubt, one of them is me. Of course, it is proper Ass Weasel etiquette to hit REPLY ALL to those emails. So, before long, you have about a dozen nitwits responding to each other replying ALL and sending emails all over the place, back and forth, with everyone’s previous messages listed below. I call these Snowball emails. We had one last month that grew so huge that it eventually busted out of one of the servers in the IT department and broke the leg of a sleeping IT dude.

The best though, was last year when some deranged beaver-brained nitwit created their own email list, and started sending stupid stuff out. Inspirational crap. You know, positive motivational junk about three legged dogs and squirrels that drive trucks. Some faculty member hit reply all and demanded to be removed from the list. That of course, just send emails to everyone. Three or four more morons demanded to be removed from the list, and did so by replying ALL! This insanity went on for a day and a half. Someone tried to tell the pea brains to stop replying to ALL, and eventually it would stop.

Some people need a license to have email.

Peace out people.

SCG