Blue Bastards

This is a photo I took of a Portuguese Man-Of-War, also known as a Bluebottle. Its scientific name is Physalia physalis. But no one could pronounce that without spraying spit all over people, so we natives just call it by one of it’s more easily pronounced names. (I call them Blue Bastards). My wife and I were out along Hollywood Beach early Saturday morning and saw a couple of these things wash up on shore. Having grown up in Miami and had more than my share of Man O’ War stings, my immediate reaction was to consider burying it about four feet under the boardwalk. However, my wife would have none of that. (She grew up in New York State; a fact I use to explain much of her flawed thinking.) There was another woman walking along the beach with a small plastic scooper in her hand, and apparently her mission was to pick up every one of these blue bastards and toss them about three or four feet back into the surf. I watched her trying to see if she understood that all she was accomplishing was to break off more of the poisonous tentacles, which would allow more children and adults to get stung, before the surf tossed the remains back on shore for some fat old French Canadian guy wearing a thong bathing suit to step on. Apparently she thought she was some sort of environmental crusader or something. I considered burying her four feet under the boardwalk, but my wife would have none of that. Women!

If you happen to be visiting South Florida and see one of these, remember that the toxin secreted from the tentacles of the Portuguese Man-Of-War are about seventy-five percent as powerful as cobra venom. Look but don’t touch.